i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
