so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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