Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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