Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
