he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
