He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
