Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize