I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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