Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
