I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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