What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize