he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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