If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
