hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
