I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
