I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
