Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
