Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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