so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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