1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
