who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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