I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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