Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
