I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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