There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
