Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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