You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
