There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
