You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
