I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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