I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
