when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
