I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
