to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
