I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
