1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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