Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
