Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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