And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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