Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
