ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
