So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
