Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize