You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
