so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
