And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
