i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
