No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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