i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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