I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
zippers are such a cool invention
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
