My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
