So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
