Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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