Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
