The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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