Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
