Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
