i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There r osticjed everywhere
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
