Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
