i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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