I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
