I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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