Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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