uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
