I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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