I want to make a zoo with you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
