She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
birth control should be required to get into college
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
