i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize