The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
