So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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