And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
