can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
